Well, well, well...

If it isn’t “Little Miss Inconsistent.” Even as I type this I think “Don’t start with your shit, writing about the same thing you’ve already written about before, you weirdo…” so I won’t but I will quickly applaud (again) Jo and Natalia who have been able to keep their New Year’s resolutions of posting every week and everyday, respectively; I’m in awe of and inspired by you both, thank you.

Truth be told, I’ve missed writing. Fridays roll around and I think “Remember your substack, dingbat? You even have subscribers you little shit!” But then sometimes, on other Fridays, when I don’t write it feels like I got out of doing homework, which is a real treat.

I love how Jo has an on-going interaction with her readers and I feel like if I had something similar, it would implore me to write more every week. But whereas delightful Jo asks her readers what they’re passionate about, and in turn she shares what she’s into every week, I want to know what gets people cranked, I want to know what grinds their gears, really ruffles their feathers. Seeing someone get pissed off and it’s not at me or anything serious? That is rich. I love it. I’ll go first.

Before I start, I feel like I should explain the origin of crank, at least for me: there’s a Cuban expression in Spanish that translates to “Don’t crank me up” and it refers to the old cars from the 1920’s that needed to be cranked/wound up in order to run, so it’s kind of like “Don’t wind me up/crank me up because then I’ll get going and I won’t be able to stop.” Does that make sense? You get it. You’re all smart cookies.

Big Crank: Not a unique crank but important nonetheless: When people are mean to anyone working in any service industry. Like, who died and made you King Asshole? Clearly you’ve never worked a real job a day in your life. We’re all marching towards death, be nice. A fun game I like to play with myself is making cashiers/clerks/TSA agents smile. Getting the woman who works at the DVM to crack a smile while I get my license renewed? 200 points. Getting the TSA agents to laugh at 5:30 in the morning? 500 points. Someday I’ll turn this into a game show, Hollywood? This is me sending you fax! Calling is too desperate.

Little Crank: I’ve never seen anyone do this but I hope I’m not the only one: Saying Thank You/waving to the train conductors as they pull away from your stop. They got you where you needed to go! Safely! For $2.75! (MTA crank for another day) And can I tell you? They’re always appreciative. Depending on when they see me, it’s either a wave or a nod and a smile, or even a “You’re welcome! Have a great day!” in response and honestly, it feels pretty great for everyone involved.

8:00 pm on a Friday and I’m going to stop pussy-footing around and release this bad boy. Every time I do this I feel like I’m lighting a bottle rocket on fire and running away. I miss you all even though some of us have never met. Thank you for reading this. Tell me what gets you cranked so we can get cranked together every week.

Eternally Cranked,
irene, xoxo